design ADD & tidbits

I changed my header again. and my button. I'm sticking with the argyle background though, cause I loves it. I wanted something cleaner and not so busy, so voila. even made a matching button, cause I'm fancy and shit. sike. 

had a busy weekend - got this done on Saturday. it's the only picture I have so far, and it's on my cell phone, of course. I got the two flowers and the crab colored... I only have one more session to go until my sleeve is complete, and I can't wait. it's disgusting looking right now with the peeling and the flaking, so I'll wait til it's healed to take better pictures. 

spent Sunday with my best friend at her house for a Tastefully Simple party. pretty sure I'm hooked on their products now... especially the strawberry cheeseball. holy crap, that thing was delicious. I ordered $66.61 worth of stuff from the consultant. 666... fitting, no?

I had the day off yesterday, which was wonderful considering it was about 80 degrees and beautiful outside. I went to my first ever dermatologist appointment in the morning... I needed to have my moles checked out (I'm moley, ha), and to find out what the hell is going on with my skin. as I suspected, my recent breakouts are due to my crazy ass hormones going bonkers since getting off birth control. and my moles are A-okay. 

the rest of the day went as follows: 

-drop off prescribed antibiotic lotion at pharmacy

-stop to see a friend at her work

-get nails done (color= jade is the new black. it's gorgeous)

-pick up prescribed antibiotic from pharmacy

-go home and take a quick nap

-head BACK out to the dentist, have teeth cleaned and told I need to floss more (what else is new?)

-go home and change

-go to the gym and start C25K program (awesome, by the way)

-home again... shower, dinner, TV, bed

WHEW!

wish I could have relaxed more on my day off, but it just wasn't in the cards for me I guess, haha. I'll write a better post about the Couch to 5K program when I get some time, but I'm sure you've all heard of it. I definitely want to elaborate on my experience with it, because I'm not a runner... but I'm only on Week 1, so I'll see how I feel about it in a few weeks and update you!

oh. one more thing. who has two thumbs and has been a non-smoker for 6 months today? 
this girl!  :)

Happy Tuesday, readers!

Reverb 10 - December 17th

December 17: Lesson Learned

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

regardless of whether this year was full of more ups than downs or vice versa, I sure as hell have learned a lot about myself. I've been tested in more ways than one throughout 2010, which forced me to get to know myself on a different level. the best thing I've learned about myself this year is the amount of willpower I have. I've had to persevere through quite a few obstacles this year, and I think I've done an amazing job at standing my ground on numerous occasions.

I've been determined to live a healthier lifestyle and have been continuously training at the gym for almost 6 months. I've been making an effort to eat healthy meals and not allow myself to consume the junk I used to love. I've cut back on sodas and drink only one diet soda a day, and instead of drinking soft drinks all day, I drink water - all.day.long. as much as I'd love to indulge in sweets and fatty foods, I know that it'd be just like taking 2 steps backward, and it's not worth it to me.

I'm amazed at my willpower when it comes to not smoking. I thought it would be a lot harder than it actually is. I admit I have a hard time when I'm drinking and socializing with friends who are smokers, but I refrain from smoking by just telling myself it's not worth it to only have one while drinking. I know that I can't just have one cigarette and I know that I can't just be a social smoker.

it just doesn't work that way for me and it's never worked in the past... I'd start out smoking just on Saturday nights while out with friends, bumming one here and there. and then I'd "feel bad" for mooching and buy my own pack, but give them away at the end of the night so that I didn't take them home. before you knew it, I'd still have some leftover in that pack on Sunday and I'd be a regular smoker again. not this time though. I've not had a cigarette since Halloween night, which, unfortunately, was one of those nights when I was bumming from a friend. we've gone out with friends multiple times since then, and I've been good about not jumping on the wagon and just having one. so hallelujah to that! 

there are tons of other situations that show how my willpower has strengthened this year, but I'll just leave you with those two, since I think they're the most important. now... time to catch up on the rest of the Reverb prompts!

Reverb 10 - December 10th

December 10: Wisdom

What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

I decided back in September that it was time.  it was time to make a decision that would make me a different person for the rest of my life. I made the choice to become a non-smoker. 

I've been smoking regularly since I was about 16 years old - I've "quit" a few times in those 8 years, but never did I go longer than 6 months without a cigarette. this time, I knew I had to be serious about it. obviously, I quit for a variety of reasons, as there are never any GOOD reasons to be a smoker.

I was so tired of being out of breath all the time. I felt like I wasn't doing anything to improve my health by working out, when I'd be out of breath the whole time. my poor lungs would struggle to pump air through when I'd get my heart rate up. my chest would hurt so bad after working out, due to the fact that my lungs were NOT healthy at all and they couldn't keep up with me when I was being active.

Sean & I have discussed the possibilities of starting a family, and of course, it would be completely unacceptable to NOT quit before I got pregnant. science and history have proven how bad smoking is for people, especially unborn babies. my mom smoked while she was pregnant with me, and while I turned out just fine, I would never put my children at risk. I don't want to be that mom, either. I don't want to be the mom who smokes around her kids. I remember what that was like when I was a child and I absolutely fucking HATED it. 

I was so annoyed with all of my clothes and other belongings reeking of smoke. seriously, I would come home from a night out and my jacket or sweatshirt would smell like a damn ashtray, and it was disgusting. the same goes for my car - she smelled SO bad, because I would smoke the most while I was driving. and my hands... god, my hands smelled of smoke SO badly.

today marks the two month point since I quit smoking, and it feels amazing. now I say that my quit date is October 12th, but I cheated twice... alcohol makes it much harder to stay strong and the cravings are horrible when I'm drinking. the last time I actually smoked a cigarette was on Halloween night, but I actually QUIT on the 12th. so yeah, like I was saying. it feels great to be a non-smoker. I FEEL so much healthier and I know that I smell better too.

I used the Nicoderm CQ nicotine patches to help me with the cravings in the beginning, and I used them for the first four weeks. after that, I kinda kept forgetting to put the patch on every morning, so it seemed as if I just didn't need them anymore. I still get the urge every once in a while, but for the most part, it doesn't really bother me. sometimes I still miss it, only for the habit and the work breaks I would get every hour.

I'm happy to say I've stuck with my decision, and I plan on doing so in the future. I don't ever want to be a smoker again, and I'm glad I can say that today. it feels like freedom.

tidbits.

- this website has seriously allowed me to get through work this week without physically harming any of my coworkers. the only bad part is that I find myself laughing REALLY loudly at work, which totally gives it away. it's not a new site or anything, but I just started reading the newest posts, and therefore nearly peeing myself with laughter.

- I need a pair of brown boots to survive through the winter add to my ever growing boot collection, preferably leather ones, that are almost knee high. maybe even with a buckle or a cuff or some other cute detail. Sean says we're not allowed to do any shopping for ourselves until Christmas, which I find extremely difficult. if you'd like to donate to my boot fetish, I wear a size 9. in fact, these are perfect.

via 6pm

- speaking of Christmas, who has two thumbs and has just about completed her Christmas shopping? THIS GIRL. I only have two gifts left to get, and I will be finished! I really wanted to get a head start this year, so I asked around for suggestions early on and got that shit under control. I'm crazy when it comes to Christmas shopping, and I make myself an Excel spreadsheet to track everything. nerd up. 

- I need a weekend of nothingness. we I have had plans at least one day out of the weekend since fucking JULY. seriously, I could name what I did, and every single weekend included some kind of plans OTHER than me being a lazy bitch and not leaving my house for at least 24 hours. I need a weekend like that, but unfortunately, it looks as though we currently have plans for every weekend until around December. (Halloween, Daniel Tosh, Zoo Walk, tattoo appointment, Penn State game, Thanksgiving, etc). not that I'm not excited about every one of those events, because I am, but I just want a break. 

- I have a post that I started writing back in July about friendship. I need to add to it, without going into too much personal detail. I need to really vent and get some serious feelings out, even though I don't really consider myself to be a serious type blogger. even when I finish it, I'm not sure if I'll post it or not. I'd like to say I'm afraid I'll offend someone, but at this point, I really don't give two shits. not just one shit, TWO shits. 

- I'm halfway through Pillars of the Earth, and I'm loving it. I can't wait to pick up World Without End. I also can't wait to get all the books I put on my Christmas wish list, which includes the Hunger Games Trilogy. 

- it has now been 16 days since I became a non-smoker. while I was with friends on Saturday evening (and drinking), I bummed a few to smoke, but that's been my only slip up. the good thing though, is that they tasted disgusting to me, and I really only craved them because I was drinking alcohol. 

Day 30/30

Day 30/30 - whatever tickles your fancy

I cannot believe I'm done with the 30 Day Challenge! it went by a lot faster than I thought it would, even though I skipped a few days and most weekends. it was definitely fun though, and I look forward to finding a new challenge to blog about! 

______________________________

as for today's prompt, instead of posting a bunch of pretty pictures of our honeymoon, or what I did last weekend, or tattoos, I'm going to talk... err... type about one of my recent struggles. 

I officially became a non-smoker on Tuesday. well, I suppose it was really Monday evening, since that's when I smoked my last cigarette. I wanted to quit last week, but because I was taking a road trip (solo), I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment. I knew there was no way I could travel 5 hours away from home by myself and not smoke during the drive. 

I quit last year before my wedding, and I continued to not smoke for about 6 months. I'm not exactly sure why I started back up again, to be honest. I think it was one of those things where I decided that I could possibly smoke ONLY when I was drinking... which turned out to be pretty frequent, considering I started buying them on a regular basis. 

let me just tell you... these past two days have NOT been easy, by any means. it's a constant struggle for me. the good thing is though, is that there are no smokers in my office, so I'm not really tempted to bum one. the struggle for me goes way passed the actual physical addiction to nicotine... it's mental as well. I'm so used to the habit of smoking... the oral fixation, the movement of something in my hand, driving in the car. everything I do is associated with when I smoke - I time out my smoke breaks at work every hour, and I smoke as soon as I leave work, and then when I get to the traffic circle by my house. the habit itself is definitely the hardest thing to break.

for now, I am using the nicotine patch to cut out cravings. I've also been stocking up with candy and gum to get my oral fixation taken care of... Gobstoppers, Runts, and Starburst galore! I can't wait to get passed the point where I still feel the need to smoke, for the habit alone. once I get passed that hump, I'll be golden. Sean also bought an electronic cigarette when he quit last year, which seemed to work really well for him, so I might give that a try once I'm done with all three stages of the patches.

I'm really excited about quitting for good. this is something I've been thinking about doing for a long time, and I finally just got fed up with it. not only is it horrible for you (duh!), but I am tired of smelling like an ashtray and having a constant cough. I've pretty much been smoking since I was 17, so needless to stay, my lungs deserve better. I can't wait to workout and not be so out of breath, and the money that I spend on cigarettes will surely become apparent in my bank account soon. 

obviously, Sean is super supportive, and since he quit smoking almost a year ago, he's a good person to have around. he knows how hard it is for me, and he is continuously encouraging me. luckily for him, he's never had a problem quitting, and he was actually able to do it cold turkey. I'm so inspired by his will power and I hope that I can make him proud. 

anyway, this was kind of a rambling post, but I just wanted to share with everyone. wish me luck, it's going to be tough, but I am more determined now than I've ever been! now I just need to super clean my car so it doesn't reek of cigarettes! 

Happy Thursday!