It's Friday. Let's be random.

A little random never hurt anyone right? Well... maybe if she came with AIDS and baby daddy drama.

Random things I love. Here we go.

1. I'm pretty sure the only thing I love more than Fridays are football Sundays. Football Sundays consist of Mr. MandeeFoFandee and myself plopping ourselves on the couch (in our respective jerseys, of course - Ravens for him, and Redskins for me) and watching football all day long. Preseason, regular season, post season... doesn't matter, as long as it's a good game. Obviously I'd prefer to watch games in which the Redskins are victorious, but let's be honest... those days are rare. Sometimes it's just nice to have a day where you absolutely nothing.



2. Shoes. I love shoes. And I'm not talking about $300 killer heels that would likely cause me to suffer a broken neck. I'm talking about the Birkenstock sandals that I wore for years. Unfortunately, one of the cats had a little "accident" IN THEM and I had to toss them out - they were so worn out and beaten up that a toss in the wash would surely destroy them. They're not the cutest, but they're the comfiest shoes I've ever owned. I wish I could be the kind of girl who can just throw on a pair of heels to wear to the bar, but alas, I'm not. For one thing, I'm already pretty tall (5'-8") and I hate being taller than S in public. Two... I'm not the most graceful creature on the planet, and I trip over my own BAREfeet, so you can imagine what happens when I add a few inches. And lastly, they're just NOT comfortable for me, and I refuse to wear something that causes pain.



3. For as long as I can remember, I've had a strange affection for weird animals. While I adore cats and want to adopt every single one I come into contact with, I consider my top three favorite animals to be hippos, polar bears, and alligators. I'm not sure why, but it's true. I think it's because they're all really cute when they're babies. Hippos are freaking badass. Male hippos tend to keep their space bubble clear of intruders by flinging their poo at other male hippos. Polar bears are so cute and cuddly. Alligators are extremely cool to me... they've been around for thousands of years, and are still pretty high up on the food chain.



4. A good poop. This one is pretty obvious, and since it's not TMI Tuesday, I won't elaborate further... nor will I couple this with a picture.

5. Dead baby jokes. I know, I know, they're offensive, but I'm not exactly the most PC person on the planet, now am I? I think they're hilarious... maybe it's because I don't have kids, but I'm pretty sure that even if I gave birth to a little demon, I would still joke about why you put it in a blender feet first. I've always cared more about animals than I do people, and therefore I can't stand jokes that involve dead animals. I can't even watch freaking Animal Planet when the hungry lion is trying to catch a fleeing gazelle for it's cubs. But I can bet you $100 that if they had a show that concentrated on people (aka fucking idiots) who move to Florida in the everglades and then wonder why an alligator ate their small child... I'd be all up in that shit as long as they had footage of the attack.



Random things I hate. This could possibly be a long list.

1. People who move to Florida (more specifically, areas that are highly populated with alligators) and then freakthefuckout when their dog, cat, or small person disappear from their backyard. Uhh... what did you think was going to happen when you decided to move your entire family (including the tasty little human) to a place where this alligator has lived it's ENTIRE LIFE? Did you think he would just sign over the deed and let you have the property where he/she raised it's babies for years? No, bitch, I don't think so. And by the way, why was your dog or child out in the backyard alone anyway... especially when you're living in godforsaken alligator country? I should be an alligator activist. I'm pretty sure it would work out.



2. Shaving my legs. I'm so lazy when it comes to shaving. In the summer, and only if I'm wearing shorts, I'll shave my legs up to my knee, since the hair is pretty light above the knee. In the winter... you'll be lucky if I shave a total of three times. I'm very aware that it's pretty disgusting, but I don't care. It's too cold in the winter to shave (even in the shower)... plus, I think the hair helps me to stay warm. Don't judge... it's not like you have to touch them.




PS - don't ever Google Image search "hairy legs" at work. holy hairy vagina everywhere.

3. Cliche tattoos, specifically tramp stamps. I won't go into more detail, as I really don't want to offend someone. I know what you're thinking... "Mandee... being courteous?" I know, it's crazy. Consider it a happy Friday gift.

4. The alarm clock. If I could go back in time and stop anything from being invented, it would be the fucking alarm clock. I hate when I'm dreaming, and then all of a sudden, I hear this annoying noise, and I'm all like "whatthehellisthat?!!" in my dream... before waking up and realizing it's my alarm going off. I think people would be a lot happier without alarm clocks.
I know a lot of people are jobless right now, so I think it would be awesome to hire someone and have them wake me in the morning to the fresh scent of blueberry coffee and pancakes. I sure as hell would be a lot happier in the mornings.


Thank you, kind stranger! This is much more pleasant than waking to some annoying song from my cell phone.

5. While we're on the subject, I'll go ahead and add cell phones used as alarm clocks. You know how you get a cell phone, and you're listening for that perfect tone to be used for your alarm? It always ends up being the most annoying fucking sound your phone could possibly make, because you know it's the only thing that will get your lazy ass out of bed in the morning. Either that, or, cause you to throw your cell phone across the room when you hear it go off. Of course, I've neeeever done that...


Alright, that's all I got for today, folks. That was a lot longer than I expected it to be. Told you, I have a lot to say.

Happy weekend!

I haz teh header picture! See? Up there! ^

Thanks to the ever-so-amazing Andrea, I have an awesome and crazy cute header now. I absolutely adore it. And I get to look at my little Bear Claw face all day long now, which is always spectacular. So... thank YOU times a million, Andrea! If you're interested in seeing what hard work looks like, pop on over to her place (here) to check out the renovations her and her husband have been doing all by themselves. Crazy folks, I tell ya.

Now. I know I said I wasn't going to tell Mr. MandeeFoFandee (also known as S) about the blog, but I was so excited, I couldn't resist. In fact, I spilled the beans the minute I walked into my house on Tuesday after work. Our conversation went a little like this:

Me: Hey, I'm home. (and also arriving tres late, since I was busy at work... writing my first blog entry and all)
S: Hey, it's about time. How was your day?
Me: It was awesome, wanna know why?
S: Sure.
Me: I started a blog.
S: Oh jesus.
Me: If you laugh, you will NEVER read it. EVAR.

- insert the hysterical laughing of Mr. MandeeFoFandee here -

Jerk. Even though he's a total asshat, and still makes fun of me, I let him read it last night. He now seems to be pretty supportive, since I'm fucking hilarious in writing, apparently. Now I can threaten him with "if you do ______, I'm going to blog about the time you ________." Pretty genius, if I say so myself. It's like having the super star of blackmail outlets. Take that, husband.

__________________________________________________________________________________

In other news, I've been searching the D&R (Decorating & Renovating) message board over on The Nest for inspiring home blogs. I'm pretty sure I found two (scratch that... three) of the best home decor blogs I've ever come across, and I thought I'd share them for anyone else looking for a little motivation to get their homes in tip top shape.

1. Decorating Obsessed - Ashley is a graphic designer, and therefore has a natural "eye" for all things design. I love her style - her shades of violet modern-glam Hollywood living room & dining room are absolutely to die for. She also has some handy organization tips for those of us who seem to be more... uh... cluttered.

2. sunshine and wine - Suzanne is a 20 something living in Kansas City. She is total DIY-er when it comes to home decor, and it's really refreshing to see someone create such beautiful pieces and NOT spending a fortune doing it. I have a feeling I'll be stealing some of her techniques and ideas for myself! andplusalso, her dogs are adorable. just sayin.

3. Young House Love - I know I'm super late to this party, since they've been showcased in magazines and TV and shit, but I'm immediately obsessed. Just thought I'd share that. Oh, and once again, this great find is also thanks to Andrea, who obviously does not want me to get any work done. ever.

That's all I got for now. It's been a hectic and busy day here at work, and this is the first chance I've had to sit down and relax. In fact, I haven't even eaten lunch yet. I should probably get on that.

If you care to share, tell me about your favorite blogs!

john edwards

John Edwards and his new daughter

At nearly two years old, Frances Quinn Hunter isn't "new," of course. But for the first time, former presidential candidate John Edwards has admitted he fathered the child during an affair with videographer Rielle Hunter.

According to the Associated Press story, it appears that Frances -- known as "Quinn" -- was conceived "during the middle of 2007." That would be close to July 2007, when Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth, renewed their wedding vows in honor of their 30th anniversary.

But the most interesting thing about today's story, to me at least, was this quote from Elizabeth Edwards, who reportedly urged her husband to acknowledge his paternity of the child. She has said that whether or not he fathered the child didn't matter to her..."that would be a part of John's life, but not a part of mine."

rielle hunter

John Edwards Admits Fathering Rielle Hunter Love Child; No One Surprised

John Edwards has finally admitted what we have suspected for years - that he is indeed the father of a 2-year-old daughter with his mistress, Rielle Hunter. The former U.S. Senator and Democratic presidential candidate said today in a statement that he’s taking responsibility for the child, Frances Quinn Hunter:

“I am Quinn’s father. I will do everything in my power to provide her with the love and support she deserves. I have been able to spend time with her and trust that future efforts to show her the love and affection she deserves can be done privately."

"It was wrong for me ever to deny she was my daughter and hopefully one day, when she understands, she will forgive me. [I've] been providing financial support for Quinn and have reached an agreement with her mother to continue providing support." "I understand that to all those I have disappointed and hurt, these words will never be enough, but I am truly sorry.”

Edwards is not speaking publicly on the subject, in part because of an ongoing federal investigation into whether campaign money was used to try to cover up the affair.

He has denied wrongdoing, but then again, he also denied the affair with Rielle Hunter, and fathering the child with Rielle Hunter, so who knows with this guy! Edwards' attorneys say he's been seeing Quinn and providing financial support for about a year, and just signed a new child support agreement with Rielle. A spokesperson for John's cancer-stricken wife, Elizabeth Edwards, says she learned last year that Quinn is John's child. Yet this is the first formal admission. John Edwards’ personal and political troubles began after the National Enquirer began reporting in late 2007 about his affair with Hunter, which he denied.

In 2008, after his failed presidential bid, Edwards was caught visiting Hunter in a hotel and eventually confirmed to ABC News that he had an affair with her.

Still, he vehemently denied on the air that he was the father of her child. Dude lies a lot and will only come clean when his hand has been forced, basically.

Today's admission comes on the heels of the political expose Game Change by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin, which sent shock waves around D.C. A portion of the book about the 2008 election, which ran in New York Magazine, dealt with details of Edwards’ affair and his relationship with Elizabeth.

The admission also comes in advance of a tell-all book by Andrew Young, a former Edwards aide who originally claimed to be the father of Hunter’s child. Basically, he would have kept on denying it if he had any choice, and had no interest in actually coming clean for morality's sake. Pretty typical, John.

graco strollers

Graco stroller recall: Is your Graco stroller affected?

Wednesday's Graco stroller recall of 1.5 million units is the largest in US history. Here's how to find if you have a problem stroller.

The US Consumer Product Safety Commission announced a Graco stroller recall Wednesday that will total 1.5 million strollers. The recall concerns uncovered hinges on the canopy of the Graco Passage, Alano, and Spree strollers, which have caused seven severe injuries to toddler's fingers, according to the CPSC.

The strollers in question were sold between October 2004 and February 2008 at several dozen retailers including Target, Wal-Mart, Babies “R” Us, Toys “R” Us, Kmart, and Sears. The strollers cost between $80 and $200.

If you bought a Graco stroller during that period, check the stroller's model number against the chart at the bottom of this page or check out the CPSC's news release. (You can find the stroller's model number and manufacture date on the lower inside portion of the rear frame, just above the rear wheels.)

If you have one of the problem strollers, stop using it immediately, the CPSC warns, and order a repair kit from Graco. You can find those order forms here. or by calling 800-345-4109. (Be forewarned: The Graco website was operating extremely slowly at 10 a.m. EST, probably due to the increased traffic the recall is generating.)

The company has set up a FAQ post regarding the recall on it's blog. Graco is also responding to stroller owners via Twitter.

Customers outside the United States are also eligible for the recall, according to Graco.

Graco says the repair kits will be available in one to two weeks. Once you've received the kit, an instructional video at the bottom of this post demonstrates how to properly attach the kit.

Graco has now had the two largest American stroller recalls on record. A 2005 recall of two Graco models that failed to latch properly resulted in 230 injuries and the recall of 1.1 million strollers. In November, British stroller manufacturer Maclaren recalled a million strollers in the US due to a hinge issue similar to that of the latest Graco recall. Maclaren strollers had injured 15 toddlers, 12 severely.

Venus Williams Australian Open

Tennis : Venus Williams reflects on past decade, years ahead after Australian Open win

MELBOURNE, Australia — Venus Williams turns 30 this year and would like to note that she is the still fast, still strong and has no wrinkles.

As the new decade dawns, Williams reflected on her past 10 years in tennis and listed some of her goals.

"I feel like I have so much left in my strings to accomplish," Williams said after dispatching Lucie Safarova of the Czech Republic 6-2, 6-2 Tuesday in the first round of the Australian Open. "I love playing. I want to win each tournament I play. I want to win the majors, play doubles and be in the Olympics."

In other words, she has no plans to retire anytime soon.

Williams and her younger sister Serena have proven their staying power. In 1999, 17-year-old Serena won the first Grand Slam singles title for the family at the U.S. Open. Venus followed the next year with two trophies - at Wimbledon and the U.S. Open. The siblings have a total of 18 - seven for Venus and 11 for Serena.

And that's just singles. Venus has 10 Grand Slam doubles titles, all won with Serena playing at her side. The sisters are the defending doubles champions at Melbourne.

Serena's successes have upstaged her sister's in recent years. But Venus has consistently remained a top player despite occasional injuries. She's seeded sixth in Melbourne behind top-ranked Serena.

Venus is aiming to improve her record at the Australian Open, where she was a finalist in 2003 but has not advanced beyond the fourth round since. She was upset last year in the second round by Carla Suarez Navarro of Spain.

Venus' strong serves and full-swinging, relentlessly attacking style were on display Tuesday as she dominated her match in a canary yellow dress. She sent her 22-year-old opponent chasing balls right and left, backward and forward.

"To be honest, when you're on the court, age doesn't matter," she said. "So far, I'm fast and strong. Maintaining that is great."

She added with a laugh: "And no wrinkles yet, either, so thankfully that's working out."

Venus will turn 30 on June 17 and is 15 months older than Serena, who also advanced to the second round Tuesday.

She is not, by a longshot, the oldest woman playing in Melbourne. That honour goes to 39-year-old Kimiko Date Krumm of Japan followed by 35-year-old Jill Craybas of the United States. Both are considerably lower in the rankings.

Their mother Oracene Price - who co-coaches the sisters along with father Richard Williams - made headlines Tuesday by saying she's getting tired of travelling the world to watch her daughters play tennis.

"That's why I wear sunglasses," she said in Australia's Herald Sun. "I go to sleep."

Venus thought the comments were "extremely funny."

"You can see what we live with and how much fun we have with her," Venus said of their mother, who sat without sunglasses in the stadium during Tuesday's match. "I hope she does another interview. Then you'll get to have a little more fun with her."

Craptastic (TMI Alert)!

WARNING: If you are not comfortable talking (or even reading) about the gloriousness that is a good bowel movement, do not read any further.

If the curiosity is killing you, however, please do read on.

First, I'd like to mention that I had the day off yesterday, so naturally, today felt like Monday. I got up (late, as usual), showered, brushed my teeth and went about my morning routine. I stopped at the 7-11 near my home, and picked up a 20oz coffee and two bottles of Dr. Pepper, as usual. Paid with my check card, as usual.


Mmm. Delish.

I drove to work, listened to Elliot in the Morning on DC 101, as usual. Got to work, and got settled in, which consists of checking my work email, checking my personal email, checking in on The Nest, checking Facebook, and reading the new blogs that appear on my Google Reader (and commenting accordingly)... all while sipping my delicious 20oz cup of sugar, with a little coffee and creamer added. Totes usual.

And as usual, about 20 minutes after I finished my coffee, I felt the rumblings. The monster rumblings of my daily morning bowels. This is part of my daily routine. I drink my coffee, and then I poop, and then I'm ready to take on the day that is upon me and make it my bitch.


Yep. I own this book.

Something about these rumblings was not normal. I didn't have the strength in my abs to let it "marinate" like I usually do. I like to let it simmer for a bit before I actually go to the restroom, so that it involves the least amount of pushing as possible. I told you, I have a routine, and damnit, I stick to it! This demon inside of me would not allow for the marinating period. I had to rush to the bathroom to do the binness.

As I sit on the toilet (I should also mention that I work in a very small office, consisting of a total of 5 people, including myself, and we only have one bathroom), I could tell that this was not going to be the usual "sit, relax, wipe" session that I have on a daily basis. What erupted from my body was the fiery passion that once was an entire bag of pistachios that I consumed over the long weekend. It burned. It splattered. Most importantly, it was NOT quiet, which is totally NOT usual.

Now, if you know me, you know I'm not shy about my bowels (obviously). But this was an ASSplosion. I was imagining my poor coworker in the office outside the bathroom cringing (and possibly laughing) as the demon escaped my rear end. It was nuclear. I tried to be quiet about it, I really did. I tried to let just a little out at a time, I tried running the sink water to mask the sound... it just was NOT happening.


THIS is what occurred in my workplace toilet.

Finally, I'm done. I wipe, wash my hands, open the window, spray a copious amount of flowery smelling Lysol, and I leave the bathroom... making sure to shut the door behind me. I even considered making a sign, warning coworkers not to enter the bathroom for at LEAST 20 minutes. I'm telling you - that shit was hazardous.

And as usual, I walk outside to have my post-bowel cigarette. I'm puffing away, enjoying the beautiful weather that has recently graced itself upon Maryland, and it hit me again. Those fucking rumblings. I thought "eh, I just went... there's no way I have to go again ALREADY," and I attempted to finish my nicotine stick. Was.Not.Happening. I flicked the cherry off my cigarette and sprinted to the bathroom. (Insert another descriptive ASSplosion here).

This inconvenience happened to me FOUR times today. FOUR TIMES! I couldn't believe it. I'm a pretty regular shitter, and I go usually about two times a day. And those two times are NORMAL, not the painful diarrhea I experienced FOUR TIMES today. I know it's the pistachios and all their deliciousness.


Mmm. Come here, my pretties.

I should probably mention that I consume an ungodly amount of pistachios if I get my hands on them. I generally buy two bags at a time, and finish a bag in a matter of days. I eat about a 16oz cup worth of shells at each sitting... unless my mouth burns from the salt before the cup is full. I'd like to say that my hellish poops today will caution me from devouring pistachios in the future, but I know it won't.

Perhaps I should take after LiLu and start a weekly TMI post. TMI Tuesdays? I guess it fits.



... that's what she said.